(Written as a requirement for a job I applied today :P)
Have you ever felt very possessive about things? Have you ever felt reluctant to part with things, worse, to throw them away?
That's my biggest weakness, and I've been oftentimes criticized for it - which I naturally turn a deaf ear to. I have weaknesses to part with printed materials, or more accurately, anything readable. To me they are very precious, and I feel very guilty to throw anything away.
I have a large collection of books, that I don't have enough cupboards or bookshelves to keep them in, so they lay in boxes. They are my most precious belongings, that I would never sell or give away. I always hope that one day, I would have the time to reread the books that I've enjoyed, or read the books that I've bought with the intention to be read but not yet read (if only I have the time). The least that these books could do, I thought, after I die, someone could open a library as a tribute to me.
Whenever I go to exhibitions, I would be collecting brochures and informational booklets, and after reading them, I would have a hard time to throw them away. How could you, for they look so nice, and glossy; and look like people have gone through a lot of trouble to come up with them just for you. So I would keep them; again, in boxes.
I have stacks and stacks of magazines. Imagine, if a magazine had cost me RM8 when I bought them, the whole stacks would worth thousands of ringgit when you total them up. Those were my money - how could I ever throw them away?
The worst and the ugliest of the "reading materials" that I keep are my school notebooks and all my lecture notes. Ha ha! Imagine me, being a 34, turning to 35 year old woman, and still keeping the notes that I had taken ever since I was 14! Oh my God! That's a really long time. But again, you would understand it, wouldn't you? Those were my hard work - the sweatS I had poured, the sleepS I had sacrificed, and the hourS I had spent revising! (Yes, they are plural!) They carry the highest sentimental value of all.
Only recently, I was being made aware by a friend that what I thought as "love" on my part is actually a psychological disorder. And I am what people call a "hoarder". I can't believe it! However, I am thankful to that particular friend for opening my eyes, and I am now reevaluating all of my precious collections - which one should I start throwing away first?
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
The tsunami aftermath
Why is it hard for people to believe
that God exists
that He's not just watching
that He's not just keeping Himself aside
that He's with us
trying to remind us
trying to get our attention
trying to get us right back on track?
Why is it that people keep denying
that God is involved
that everything is natural
that nothing is supernatural?
Why are our eyes refusing to look carefully,
and our ears refusing to hear the truths spoken,
and our hearts are beyond reach to ever admit
that God exists?
Why is it hard for people to believe
that God exists
that He's not just watching
that He's not just keeping Himself aside
that He's with us
trying to remind us
trying to get our attention
trying to get us right back on track?
Why is it that people keep denying
that God is involved
that everything is natural
that nothing is supernatural?
Why are our eyes refusing to look carefully,
and our ears refusing to hear the truths spoken,
and our hearts are beyond reach to ever admit
that God exists?
Monday, August 30, 2004
Muhammad Iman Naufal
My lil new bundle of joy
My lil Naufal
Easy to smile
Easy to laugh
My lil baby Naufal
My lil bundle of joy
My precious lil Naufal
One that's not fussy
One that uplifts my spirit
My lil precious baby
Looking at your face,
Listening to your laughters,
All stresses are somehow relieved,
All problems forgotten,
You, Lil baby of many charms
Lil Naufal,
My lil one,
Precious baby,
"You light up my life".
My lil new bundle of joy
My lil Naufal
Easy to smile
Easy to laugh
My lil baby Naufal
My lil bundle of joy
My precious lil Naufal
One that's not fussy
One that uplifts my spirit
My lil precious baby
Looking at your face,
Listening to your laughters,
All stresses are somehow relieved,
All problems forgotten,
You, Lil baby of many charms
Lil Naufal,
My lil one,
Precious baby,
"You light up my life".
Phew...it has been quite some time since I last post a message here. Had tough time finding this blog again. Thot it was at www.blog.com :P Had taught my students on how to create a blog there. Tried to show them this sample of mine, but of course, couldn't find lilthots.blog.com . It was just not the correct URL! :P Silly me.
I still remember the fun I had with my writing journal - back in my matriculation programme - and having Ms. Uma as my audience. I hope my students will somehow have fun writing their journal... of course the online term now is "blogging"!
I still remember the fun I had with my writing journal - back in my matriculation programme - and having Ms. Uma as my audience. I hope my students will somehow have fun writing their journal... of course the online term now is "blogging"!
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Perhatikan pokok yang hidup
Dahannya tiada menunduk ke bumi
Semuanya menadah ke langit
Berusaha menggapai sinar mentari
Redha menyambut titisan hujan
Mengapa mesti tunduk pada tekanan hidup
Seharusnya bertindak sebagaimana dahan
Dongaklah ke langit biru
Usaha capai nikmat kehidupan
Tabah hadapi ujian Ilahi
Ya Allah, Ya Tuhan kami
Bantulah kami meniti kehidupan di dunia
dan mencapai kemenangan di akhirat
Amin.
Dahannya tiada menunduk ke bumi
Semuanya menadah ke langit
Berusaha menggapai sinar mentari
Redha menyambut titisan hujan
Mengapa mesti tunduk pada tekanan hidup
Seharusnya bertindak sebagaimana dahan
Dongaklah ke langit biru
Usaha capai nikmat kehidupan
Tabah hadapi ujian Ilahi
Ya Allah, Ya Tuhan kami
Bantulah kami meniti kehidupan di dunia
dan mencapai kemenangan di akhirat
Amin.
Thursday, December 05, 2002
Selamat Hari Raya or Eid-ul-Fitr Mubarak
to all family and friends
near and far
offline and online
physical and virtual
May we find happiness
in being able to forgive and forget
smoothing rough edges between us
May we live long enough
to be able to meet Ramadhan again
for a few more times in our lives
and seek for Allah's blessings and forgiveness
May we enjoy this Syawal
in peace, and not wars
in peace, and not arguments
in peace, and not with broken-hearts
in peace - and happiness.
to all family and friends
near and far
offline and online
physical and virtual
May we find happiness
in being able to forgive and forget
smoothing rough edges between us
May we live long enough
to be able to meet Ramadhan again
for a few more times in our lives
and seek for Allah's blessings and forgiveness
May we enjoy this Syawal
in peace, and not wars
in peace, and not arguments
in peace, and not with broken-hearts
in peace - and happiness.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
English Language and me
When I was a little girl, I used to dream of becoming a writer as I was so fascinated with words and what they could do to my imagination. An avid reader, by the age of twelve years old, I had finished all the novels my parents collected, which most of them were "Hikayat"s. My reading experience (which I felt more like adventures) fascinated me so much that I began feeling fascinated by words and languages myself.
However, schooling in a small town where English was a foreign language and not heard in daily conversations much, had its own disadvantages. Thus, when I finally entered an urban secondary school where 90% of the time English was the medium of communication, I became very scared of speaking the English Language. So scared that I might be making mistakes and be a laughing stock in a school where everybody else was speaking English so effortlessly, as if they were born speaking the language.
I became a shy and quiet girl in school. My self-esteem became lower as the years passed by. Even my class teacher gave me a 'C' for my communication skills because she seldom heard me talking or contributing in class, not knowing that I was actually a chirping bird outside the classroom when surrounded by my Malay-speaking friends.
The use of English in the classroom as a medium of teaching, or rather, as a medium of explaining to the students who found lessons confusing when they were taught in Bahasa, the actual medium of instruction across the curriculum - had two-sided effects on me. Bad, that it had made me an introvert more than I should. Good, that somehow it had polished my English Language skills in the written examinations.
With good result in the English Language, I went on studying English, majoring in TESL. Still, I lacked the confidence in speaking the language, and studying English in a national university with strong feelings about using the “conqueror’s language” in the campus did not help me much. It took the teaching practicum to really force me to speak the language, as I was supposed to teach the English Language using the English Language.
That did it! Finally my emotional barriers to speak the language I was fascinated with - was broken... and I felt free for the first time, finally being able to express myself in the language orally - and slowly I gained my self-confidence again. To this date, I often wonder whether it was necessary for my self-esteem to be sacrificed during those important growing years in order to get my English Language improved.
When I was a little girl, I used to dream of becoming a writer as I was so fascinated with words and what they could do to my imagination. An avid reader, by the age of twelve years old, I had finished all the novels my parents collected, which most of them were "Hikayat"s. My reading experience (which I felt more like adventures) fascinated me so much that I began feeling fascinated by words and languages myself.
However, schooling in a small town where English was a foreign language and not heard in daily conversations much, had its own disadvantages. Thus, when I finally entered an urban secondary school where 90% of the time English was the medium of communication, I became very scared of speaking the English Language. So scared that I might be making mistakes and be a laughing stock in a school where everybody else was speaking English so effortlessly, as if they were born speaking the language.
I became a shy and quiet girl in school. My self-esteem became lower as the years passed by. Even my class teacher gave me a 'C' for my communication skills because she seldom heard me talking or contributing in class, not knowing that I was actually a chirping bird outside the classroom when surrounded by my Malay-speaking friends.
The use of English in the classroom as a medium of teaching, or rather, as a medium of explaining to the students who found lessons confusing when they were taught in Bahasa, the actual medium of instruction across the curriculum - had two-sided effects on me. Bad, that it had made me an introvert more than I should. Good, that somehow it had polished my English Language skills in the written examinations.
With good result in the English Language, I went on studying English, majoring in TESL. Still, I lacked the confidence in speaking the language, and studying English in a national university with strong feelings about using the “conqueror’s language” in the campus did not help me much. It took the teaching practicum to really force me to speak the language, as I was supposed to teach the English Language using the English Language.
That did it! Finally my emotional barriers to speak the language I was fascinated with - was broken... and I felt free for the first time, finally being able to express myself in the language orally - and slowly I gained my self-confidence again. To this date, I often wonder whether it was necessary for my self-esteem to be sacrificed during those important growing years in order to get my English Language improved.
Tuesday, July 30, 2002
Kuching
Pertama kali kupijak bumimu
Seumpama merentasi masa
Kembali ke Kuala Lumpur 70-an
Pertama kali kurentasi sungaimu
Seakan berada di balik cermin
Kuantan - 'the cleaner version'
Pertama kali kujelajahi bandarmu
Bagaikan melepas rindu
Pulau Pinang - di mana "semuanya ada" di situ
Pertama kali kulihat kebersihanmu
Terasa seperti di luar negeri
Ah...inilah Malaysia impianku
Pertama kali kupijak bumimu
Seumpama merentasi masa
Kembali ke Kuala Lumpur 70-an
Pertama kali kurentasi sungaimu
Seakan berada di balik cermin
Kuantan - 'the cleaner version'
Pertama kali kujelajahi bandarmu
Bagaikan melepas rindu
Pulau Pinang - di mana "semuanya ada" di situ
Pertama kali kulihat kebersihanmu
Terasa seperti di luar negeri
Ah...inilah Malaysia impianku
Saturday, July 13, 2002
My wish for you
(dedicated to Irsyad)I wish you would grow up to be
healthy
happy
and free
honest
and dignified
with strong integrity
faithful to Allah
speaking kind words
spending time in doing good deeds
and helping fellow human beings
rich, yet generous
wealthy, yet not snobbish
powerful, yet righteous
a person who remembers where he is actually heading to
at the end of this journey in life
protected and blessed,
in the safe custody of Allah.
irsyad's kindy graduation concert 2003
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