5 days aft election

At my place, sampah PAS langsung x nampak. Looks like they r pretty efficient. 2 days aft they won, terus dh tak nampak any posters or flags. Tinggal la BN punya posters reput saja kat tepi jalan. My guess is PAS resources are limited so they quickly keep their campaigning materials to b recycled in th nxt election. As 4 BN, they just couldn't care less. They r th gov, they hv lots of money, so come nxt election, just print new ones. But then, where's ur social responsibility of keepg th environment clean? Pandai put things up, pandai la take them down. Kenapa biar th posters get down by themselves and create eyesores for ppl?

BN menang tipis

I would say it as menang teruk. It's not kalah teruk but it's a third class kind of winning. I've read and heard mixed reactions on this matter.

"Kesian Pak Lah. This is the time we should give him our support, kuatkan semangat, not asking him to step down. He's already very sad."

"Serve him right. Kaya rayakan anak menantu. KJ= Kaduk naik Junjung."

"Pengajaran for him sbb sleeping on th job, suka orang puji, dan degil tak nak dgr cakap orang."

"Kalau Pak Lah nak selamat, Khairy should back off from politics. Anak Mahathir pun tak bertanding masa Mahathir jadi PM."

"Bodoh orang yg lepas geram kat kerajaan dgn pangkah pembangkang. Habis la ekonomi Malaysia lepas ni... sure slow punya. Nak buat apa pun tak boleh sbb sure pembangkang disagree. Tak dpt majoriti 2/3".

"Pak Lah kena tegaslah lepas ni, tak boleh lembab2 lagi."

"BN kalah sebab ramai orang UMNO boikot tak turun mengundi sbb calon yang diorg nak tak naik."

Tu semua wat ppl said lah... Tp paling best sekali...

"Abuya kata keadaan politik akan terus berkecamuk sehingga daulah abuya naik."

Tetiba je...

Hmm... My opinion? I would reserve it to myself. Undi adalah rahsia wat!!! ;)

But I'd read something that make sense in the Promuda discussion by Suresh Yegambaram:

"Dear All,

First lets see why BN got a very big majority at 2004.

1. Promised a clean goverment
2. People will be given freedom of speech
3. Transparency in goverment tenders
4. Badawi as a Mr Clean factor

Lets see if any of those really materialized.

1. Clean goverment - Surely No. Perhaps more
corruption now.
2. Freedom of speech got better but still the same
especially in local medias and major newspaper still
have very big BN influence
3. Tranparency - Surely no.
4. Mr clean not so clean after all. His son in law is
a big reason for this.

Now let's ponder what is the real message here.

1. The public needs uncorrupted policians who work for
people

2. People need goverment to work for the benefit of
the public. COntrolling inflation, make more effords
to increase their income, controlling increase of tol.
That seems like only empty promises by the gov.

3. Business - not much happening as a whole eventough
allot of thing promised 4 years ago.

4. Racial decriminations - Eventough many like to say
it's not as bad as what was projected by the ethnic
groups but if 100k indians can go out and protest they
r not happy.. that means they r not happy. The way
goverment dealt with it shows they dont respect other
race's problems. Directly made indians to vote against
and indirectly gave signal to chinese to vote against
because it could happen to them anytime.

5. Repesentatives from other races not allowed to talk
in parliment - MCA reps certainly dont do much talking
and the few MIC reps who talks will be punished. Is
that y people need to appoint them as their reps in
parliment? Even one minister can call another person
racist when they are just voicing the problems. So
they want a balanced reps in the parliment.

So all in all.. the promise during 2004 was not
fullfilled. The best way to teach them that Malaysians
are not sleeping, we are not bunch of idiots, to
demand we want to have better life is by denying 2/3
majority to the current goverment. It happened exactly
what was wished for."

Smartlearning camp

Irsyad, going 2 th camp organised by hs school in kolej kelima UPM ths morning. Hope he wl gain stg tht he wd practice in his study n his life, amin...

Now war of rubbish

Was th war of posters

On th election day

Yesterday was the election day. Since my sis, Tati n I haven't changed our address in the register, we had to vote in our hometown. We left to mom's place at abt 9.30 am and reached her place at slightly after 10 a.m. We waited for my brother, and another sis, left the kids at mom's with the maids and left for the election place ard 11 a.m. The place was very near mom's house.

There were a lot of people there. The contesting parties actually set up their camps outside the school. They had ushers to escort us to the main entrance of the school and doing some last minutes of campaigning to gain votes from voters like us. Of course the government parties were more daring than the rest. ;). They even had some kind of cheerleaders from Putra UMNO to shout campaigns for Barisan Nasional. Compared to PAS cheer leading boys, it showed that UMNO has more money cause they were able to provide the boys (yes, they looked like school boys to me) and the other ushers with uniformed t-shirts, caps, umbrella and fans printed with BN's logo , while the other party had just put on their daily wear and hold their flags (*regret not taking photos).

Mom had to go to Channel 1 coz she's a 'warga emas' while all four of us had to go to Channel 5. There were rumours that our new Prime Minister are more transparent in this election, that he would have transparent balloting boxes, and they won't have the serial number of our voting paper written next to our name in the register. And oh yes, the box ws transparent alright, and the serial number was not written next to our names, instead they were PRINTED next to the names! Well, you can check who hd I voted, please yourself.

It didn't take so long, we didn't have stand in a long cue like the last election day 3 1/2 years ago. After voting, we went to a shopping complex, had our feet massaged, and he he... since they were having sales up to 70% discounts, we shopped for handbags. I needed a larger handbag to accommodate my new EeePC (that's a real excuse, mind you). Then sis Nana bought us drinks and pizza ( we took it as an act to apologize to us or something, but we were okay anyway). Not bad for not changing our voting place, we got to gather as a small family and spend some quality time together. I thought it was even better than Hari Raya.

Went back to mom's at nearly 3 p.m. It was sis Tati's daughter's birthday, as well as bro Wan's daughter's, so Tati bought a cake to celebrate it. End up staying there till 6pm before we left for our homes.

Celebrating Nurul's and Irzaty's bday at mom's.

Sweet memory

Found this in Ummiku Sayang archives - what a fuss breastfeeding was, yet I would give birth again just to experience it again.

** From Ummiku-Sayang Yahoogroup Archives **

Dear Ummis,

Thanks for all the congratulatory notes I got from Aidu, Intan, Hani, Ummihafiz (Yati?) and Norliza. Do I miss anybody?

I've been back at work for two weeks and am trying to continue giving breastmilk to Naufal. During Irsyad's time I didn't do it since I was teaching half-day and school's staffroom do not have the convenience of a refrigerator. Now, since I work 8-5 I try hard to continue supplying my breastmilk to Naufal eventhough I am away at work.

I've tried the manual pumping only to find out that it takes such a long time to produce not so much milk. I've bought the cheapest battery-operated breastpump by Care for RM120 stg, which is better in the sense that it cuts down half the time and able to extract more milk, sometimes up to 5 oz in 20 minutes. However sometimes it's painful and it uses a lot of batteries. The Energizer AA batteries can only be used for pumping twice and they are already weak by the third time I try to pump out my milk in the day. That means I have to spend like RM5.50 per day to change those 2 AA batteries. Some friends recommend the AVENT ISIS pump. I reckon that it's a bit expensive for me but I have read some good comments on it on the net and I thot I'll give it a shot. Anyone here has regretted buying it?

Hope you can tell me before I spend my next salary on it!

Secondly about this milking at work thingy is that people ard me have not been that encouraging sometimes. Mom has been nagging that I should have started feeding my son's formula even during my confinement period so that it won't be hard for me when I go back to work. Sister has been a kinda spokeperson for Similac IQ. She gives her daughter this brand of milk since Day 4 or so and d lil' gal is developing very fast that she's already turned ard on her tummy since 3-month old. So she's kinda promoting the formula and puts down my own milk, saying things like my milk causes him to have colics and not that nutritious since it doesn't look as thick as the formula and so on.

At work it's quite tiring to sneak out to express my milk too. I have to find a place that enables me to extract the milk in discreet. Since I'm not the boss, I don't have the luxury of having a room for myself. Now, students are in their sem break so sometimes I'm able to go to one of the empty classrooms and do the job there. Even that, there would be ppl who need to enter the c/room and would be knocking and trying to turn the knobs and causing me to become agitated.

Toilets are limited and shared by so many people, males and females, so besides being unhygienic, people will be very irritated should I spend 15-20 minutes inside. And I'll be carrying my little pail with bottles and hot water inside here and there to look for places. Then after it's done I'll be carrying the filled bottle to the staffroom's refrigerator. Some colleagues have already asked "until when will this have to go on?". It sounds just like a disapproval to me. I just can't imagine once classes commence and I have to rush milking in between classes and preparing for classes. It certainly would be exhausting for me to juggle everything.

It'll be easy to consider it to quit but then I'm all into breastfeeding. I am aware of all the benefits that both the baby and I will get out of it, and the most important thing is I love doing it. I love having the baby in my arms and the bond that you feel when he's feeding from your breast is priceless. Providing him with the breast milk, though I'm away makes me feel like I am actually there for him, and that's cure my working mom's guilt feeling syndrome. Furthermore, when we really think of it, the babies have only a short time of their life to be breastfed by their mommies. Irsyad had my breastmilk only for 6 months due to some technical errors and my inexperience as a new mother, and I do not want to make the same mistake with Naufal. Sometimes I wonder whether I should take a long break from work to provide Naufal with exclusive breastfeeding, but the fact that the family do need my contribution of salary and Irsyad starting primary school in Jan., wipe out all thoughts of it. Hah... so much easier to be a working father than a working mother!

I would be interested to read what others' experience has been. Has anybody here been successful continuing breastfeeding and working at the same time? Thank you in advance.

Wassallam,
Mima
_________________
UmmikuSayang.com
"Celebrating Motherhood, the Islamic Way"

Scales in seri kembangan

More rockets

Th view in seri kembangan

Rockets in Cheras

My guess ws correct. In th aftnoon 2day I saw ppl still climbing ladders to put up more posters in Cheras.

A day b4 election

Somehow I feel that there are more banners n flags added evrydy. Just yest I thot I saw only a string of posters on this road, but 2day there are more. I hope those who pay people to put up all the posters up, wl pay to put them down after th election day. Tired of seeing my country looking so messed up in rubbish aft evry election.

Pak lah sepanjang jalan.

Lepas tu nampak...

Bulan sepanjang jalan...

Mula-mula nampak...

Demam pilihanraya.

Mula dh perang poster, lps tu jadi perang sampah.

My two handsome but 'comot' boys

Picture taken last few weeks at Kuala Sg Baru in Melaka, right after we had some seafood for dìnner. Food was umphh! But service was so slow one could have dinner twice elsewhere. There were tons of people hvg dinner there though, so can't really blame them. Price? Very affordable, lots cheaper than in KL or Penang.

Naufara

We were imagining what their sister would look like shd I hv a baby girl, so we had naufal putting on th new head cover my sis gave me. Tara... We guess this is how she wd look like.

My beginner students

Feb class taken on the last day of class, today.

This was the first time I had taught beginner students and I actually loved the experience. I used to think it would be very difficult especially when you don't share a common language. In this picture, you can see Maeen at the back, from Saudi, Alpha from Guinea, Abdul Aziz from Saudi, Seyed Reza and Morteza from Iran, Bing He, or fondly known as 47, and behind him He Zi, from China, Mohamed Abdal Mutal from Saudi, and Cui Xe from China.

The teaching satisfaction I've got from teaching this level is truly incomparable to all the classes I've taught before. This is where you can see the biggest progress of the learners.

Given the chance, I would do it again anytime.

Note:

There were other students not in the picture. I got Mamdooh, from Saudi whom I don't think is a beginner, since he argued a lot with me (in a nice teasing way). There were Saadi and Khalid, and two brothers, Adam and Hassan Naji who were somehow missing from my class in the last two weeks of the month-long program.

Advance nye anak aku...

Part 1:

Kawan2 Irsyad datang rumah. Irsyad baru nak makan nasi. Lauk tom yam. Kawan2nya pun teringin lalu tumpang sekaki.

Anip: Heh... hah... heh (kepedasan)

Irsyad: Apalah ko ni Anip. Macam orang berzina je...

Aku: (terperanjat) Irsyad! Apa cakap macam tu ha? (??? mana anak aku tau bab bunyi2 ni ye??)


Part 2:

Terdengar percakapan Irsyad dan Nurul, sepupunya yg masih dalam darjah 1:

Irsyad: Nurul, Nurul belum sembahyang Maghrib lagi kan?

Nurul: Nurul tak sembahyang. Nurul cuti.

Irsyad: Eh...jangan nak menipu. Nurul mana boleh cuti. Yang boleh cuti tu cuma orang yang dah besar macam mama (merujuk ibu Nurul), yang dah keluar air mani.

Aku: ??? (Perempuan keluar air mani? ha ha..(kelakar) Alamak, mana anak aku tau semua ni...(risau)) :P


Setelah di wawancara beberapa hari kemudian, Irsyad kata dia belajar di sekolah tahfiznya. Tapi yg lebih2 sampai bunyi semua tu dari kawan2... Hai la budak sekarang... advancenya. Mak nye dulu sampai dah form five belajar bab proses persenyawaan tu pun blur lagi dari mana datangnya sperm yang bercantum dengan ovum...

Reunion 18 & 19 February 2006

Some of 'us' then...

Last weekend, Mas and I had tried to conduct a reunion for our long-lost group of friends back in UKM. Asalnya nak buat English camp untuk anak2. After much hardship, at last, we managed to get a place in Hulu Langat - called Impian Country Resort. Sampai last minute, cuma ada 3 orang je yg betul2 confirm - Mas, Badam and me. Din asyik insya Allah je, though kerap didesak dan dipaksa. Dollah janji datang on Sunday, and the whole time jenuh nak pujuk Magi dan Jijoe to drop by. So instead of English camp, we decided to make it just a family gathering, with some outdoor exposure for the kids.

Memang seronok dapat jumpa kengkawan semula setelah sekian lama. Cam Badam dan Dollah... rasanya ada sejak grad dulu tak pernah jumpa... 13 tahun tu lamanya. Memang sebelum ni pun pernah jumpa Magi dan Din, ye lah.. terserempak2 cam tu je kan lain suasananya bila kita dok sekali beriadhah, ye tak?

Petang tu masa saya sampai, Badam dan Mas sudah pun check in... Badam tengah layan anak2nya melukis di beranda chalet tu, saya tak berapa cam Badam masa tu... muka dah bulat sikit, rambut pulak putih (bak kata badam ala2 teknik rebonding gitu...). Nak tegur takut tersalah orang tapi dok le terpandang2 juga. Sampai la Badam menoleh dan tegur saya dulu... :)

Suami dan anak2 Mas semua dah berendam dalam sungai. So kami pun duduk le sembang2 dan berkenal2an dgn ahli2 keluarga masing2 sejenak. Din khabor dia sampai lambat sikit. Sungguh pun, Din sampai lepas Asar dlm jam 6.

Ard pukul 5 Mas dan suaminya keluar ambil anak sulungnya yang ada kursus pengawas. Nizam spt biasa ada free time je musti tidur. Badam & wife - Zalinah pula dah start biz memanggang ayam (Sedap wo...). Masa tu bebudak sekolah menengah kat situ ada aktiviti obstacles so saya bawa la anak2 yang besar2 sikit ni join. Naik sheikh lak bebudak tu panjat cerun guna tali sampai saya tak boleh control, esp hero sulung Badam, si Amzar tu... terpaksala sms badam minta tolong... :P

Petang tu tak de aktiviti lain dah... bebudak semua mandi sungai je la... Lepas dinner pulak - sembang, sembang dan sembang sampai ke tengah malam. Bebudak excited main api yg Badam pasang untuk panaskan ayam panggang dan testing keluar masuk khemah. Kami tunggu2 juga kalau2 Abg Shuhaimi atau Jijoe, atau Magi sampai malam tu... tapi tak de pun...

Malam tu, anak2 bujang iaitu Amzar dan Irfan anak Badam, dan Irsyad anak Nizam (anak saya juga) tidur di khemah yang kami suruh management pasang depan chalet. Bagaimana pun objektif nak bagi anak2 lasak kurang tercapai sbb jam 4 pagi Badam angkat bebudak ni masuk khemah yang dia pasang atas beranda... kesian bebudak sejuk katanya...

The next morning, bila hari dah cerah, kami pun pegi le breakfast. Jam 8 ada jungle trekking, asalnya nak ikut je belakang bebudak sekolah menengah tu. Tapi sebab kami nak bawa anak2 (jangan tak caya, peserta termuda jungle trekking tu ialah Safiah Maisarah anak Din - 1 tahun 3 bulan), Pak Wan toke tempat tu bagi kami jurupandu asing. Kononnya kami di beri track yg kurang mencabar berbanding bebudak sekolah tu...tapi dalam pada kurang mencabar tu, tercabar jugalah, turun naik bukit yang curam lagi licin, terpaksa berpaut pada pokok dan tali, dan last sekali meredah sungai. Saya dan isteri Din, Zahrah, dok risaukan anak2 kecik kami yang didukung oleh bapa2 mereka. Tapi paling tension bila bebudak sekolah menengah yang supposed to lalu trek 4 jam, kami punya 2 jam je - boleh potong kami... He he.. nampak benor dah veteran. Untuk aktiviti ni, Magi yang sponsor bayarannya...

Lepas tu apa lagi, masing2 pun dah basah meredah sungai, bila dah sampai terus je lah berendam. Dalam 30 minit lepas tu, instructor panggil unt buat flying fox. Seronok juga, plan mula untuk bapak2 saja, tapi akhirnya turut disertai oleh ibu (wife Badam je pun...) dan anak2 juga. Memang sungguh bangga dengan anak2 fasis hari tu. Baik yg pompuan mahupun lelaki, semuanya wokeh la - yg termuda buat flying fox hari tu ialah Irfan anak Badam (tahun 1) dan Farhana anak Mas (Tahun 2).

By this time, Dollah dan Magi dah pun join kitorang, tapi dah terlepas acara jungle trekking - tapi masing2 tak nak pula join flying fox. Alhamdulillah, dapat lunch sama2. Tak sangka pulak lepas lunch tu masing2 rush balik - mula2 Mas, lepas tu Dollah, pas tu Badam dan Magi, last sekali tinggal Din dan kami. Tak sempat pun nak buat summation - kalau tahu lepas lunch tu semua dah nak belah, tentu masa lunch tu sendiri saya buat summation.

So aktiviti santai ni dah jadi tersangat santai sampai last2 macam tak de conclusion pula. Saya pun masa tu dah macam terpinga2, pesal tiba2 semua lari meninggalkan kem... sedih pun ada. Insya Allah, memandangkan aktiviti kali ni memang lebih kepada acara bersantai dan reiki tempat je, aktiviti lain kali hopefully we can have a more structured one dan boleh agak cam ne nak budget.

Walaupun kejap, I was happy to be able to spend some time with all of them. Irsyad was very happy as well, this was the first time he was exposed to outdoor. Yong tak datang, tapi dapat juga kami jumpa wakil2nya (yg nampak macam anak Magi instead of anak Yong). Lebih terharu bila Mas replied to my sms saying "I should thank u 4 putting much effort 2 organize d gathering. We haven't seen each other for years. It's reminiscing the sweet memories in our yesteryears. It closes d bond between husbands and wives. Congratulation."

Begitu lah adanya, semoga lain kali dapat berkumpul lagi dan disertai oleh lebih banyak keluarga kawan2...

I've just joined an online support group for stay-at-home mums today and introduced myself this way:

I'm a new member, Mima. At present, I am teaching full-time from Mon to Saturday 8.30 - 5 pm but am toying with the idea of quitting to pay attention to my 2 boys.

Irsyad is the elder one. 8yo, he's going to be in Yr3 the next schooling session. He goes to the religious school in the morning and the national school in the afternoon. In between, he will transit at the religious school. When he was in Yr1, I had a shock of my life when a mother called me to tell that he has been asking for his son's pocket money on daily basis for quite some time. My son is a very thin boy and he's not too tall either. It had never occured to me that he could be a school bully. That day was one of very few times that I caned him, and I did it really hard.

That problem settled, at the end of the year he gave me another shock. I was wondering why I did not get his report book for the final exam. It turned out that he actually had kept it for quite some time and when I checked, the parent's signature cell has already been filled up with a childish imitation of my signature. My 7yo son, already forging people's signature!! I was so mad and shocked that I instantly slapped his face left and right, left and right!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a child abuser. I don't normally hit my children, but those two events were really testing my patience.

I'm also worried that my son is not doing well in his school subjects since I don't really have the time to sit with him and go through his school work. I totally leave him to deal with them personally. He did have a few proud times, when he showed me that he scored 100 marks for Science, or 98 for Maths, but he's a bit weak in the language subjects like BM and English, scoring normally below 80s. There were times when I would suddenly asked him to show me his workbooks and exercise books, only to see that they are horrible looking (look as shabby like 10yo books) and with a lot of question marks inside with teacher's comments like "Siapkan!". I feel so sad and unworthy as a mom.

You see, I'm staying in a new township, very near Nilai and there's no school here. During schooling sessions, every morning, I would drive to Bandar Baru Bangi to send Irsyad to his religious school. Then, I would send my then "baby" to my aunt in Seri Kembangan, and after that only I go to Cyberjaya to work. After work, the reverse happened, from CJ I'd go to SK to pick up baby, then to BBB to pick up Irsyad's from his national school (when school ends at 6.30pm), then picked up his bags from the religious school and we'd reach home ard 7.45pm. For days when Irsyad's school ends at 6.00 pm, I'd take him first, then go back to SK to pick the baby, we'd reach there normally at 7 and wd end up reaching home at 8pm. By then I would be very tired, I would just buy "tapau" food, feed my two sons, and prepare them for bed. Coz both my younger son and I have sinus, I would at times clean the house at night, vacuuming and mopping the floor and ended up sleeping late.

My younger son, Naufal, is 2yo now. And he has always been sick from the day he was born. The first week of his life, he had the yellow fever. When he was one month old, he has already started having very high fever. Then every month he would be having fever due to immunisation. Teething would be the worst, coz he would have 4 teeth coming out at the same time every time. At 4mo, he had already have 4 teeth, at 8mo, 8 teeth and at 1yo, 12 teeth.

I initially sent him to my sister's maid (staying in the same township) to take care, but at 10 mo, he had pus coming out from both his ears. I took him to the nearby doctor, he said it's common, I didn't have to worry, gave my son antibiotic and the pus stopped. As soon as baby finished the antibio, the pus came out again. I took him to the same dr, and this time, he prescribed a diff antibio, baby took it, and the pus stopped. Right after the antibio finished, the pus came out again. This time, I took him to ENT specialist, with his treatment, it stopped but we had to take him to follow-up checks weekly for few months, because it appeared that both his eardrums were perforated. After few months of checking, the right eardrum which had few small holes, grew and closed itself again, but the left one which had 1 big hole, stays that way (even now). He still has 70% of his hearing though, and it seems that now he's beginning to talk so that's a relief for me.

So after that, Dr. advised me to get him away from any kind of pools, sea or streams - my son can never swim because we can't take the risk of having water getting into his ears. He has to have cotton covering his ears at every bath. That's when, I decided to send him to my aunt to take care. It's a bit far, but I knew she would take a really good care of my son.

However, I guess because Naufal is a weak child, he couldn't take the daily travels. He kept having fever monthly. In April this year on a Sunday, the fever was so high, I guess more than 40 degrees. I was taking care of him, then my mum came, and I left him for a while to serve some drinks to my mum when suddenly he had febrile fits. It was a scary experience. When it stopped, we took him to the nearest clinic which was opened, and the dr. referred him to the Putrajaya Hospital. His fever was a yo yo, and it wasn't until another Sunday before he and I were allowed to go home.

Just two days later, on Tuesday, the fever returned, so I took him back to Putrajaya, only to be dismissed by the outpatient nurse harshly. My son wasn't even given the chance to see the doctor after cueing for so long! So we took him to a private medical center, and he was diagnosed with HFM, something that the dr. suspected he contracted while in Putrajaya hospital. So I stayed for another week at home, since he needed to be quarantined. There went all my annual leaves for the year.

Eversince that incident, everytime he had a fever, I would be on emergency unpaid leave to take care of him, and because I am teaching, the leave affected my classes and my colleagues, who would have to replace me. By then, his fever was more frequent, about fortnightly.

There was once that I thought his fever was very mild, so I left him with my aunt and went off to work - and it also happened to be the day when my aunt decided that it was safe for her to leave my son with my Form 3 cousin, to go to IKEA. When I got back from work, having picked Irsyad up, I found my son alone with my cousin, and his temperature was very high. So I put him at the back of my car, and asked Irsyad to sit with him. After driving a few minutes, I asked Irsyad what his brother was doing since he was very quiet, and Irsyad answered that his brother was looking at him. I quickly turned my head and saw that Naufal's eyes were rolled up and his body was shaking - another fits. I freaked out, stopped my car by the road side, took the bottle of water I had in the car and wet his head with the bottle. Then in panic, I just hugged him until the fits ended.

I was so affected by the incident, and I was sad at the same time. My aunt, whom I trusted so much, had the heart to leave my son when he was having a fever. And I hated myself for rushing to work, to attend to my students, when I knew Naufal was having a fever, even before I left for work. Then, my aunt suggested that perhaps, Naufal couldn't take the travelling, and asked me to send him back to my sister's maid. I did that, but the first week she took care of him, he had pus coming out of his ears again. Then followed by the fever. And the PCM can't help my son anymore. It can only control my son's temperature for two hours, and the Dr said my son is already immuned to antibiotics. My son was given ponstan and scott's emulsion. The dr. asked me to help nourish my son and rebuild his antibody.

My immediate reaction was to take one month unpaid leave. For one whole month my son didn't have a fever. Then I got broke. Dear hubby couldn't help much, he had already taken care of rental and other household expenses, and I got quite an amount of bank liabilities due to my misadventure in property investment when I was younger, that I need to take care of monthly. So I got back to work, and my son started to have fever again.

Lately he develops fever almost every week. I feel guilty to skip working so frequently, but I don't trust anyone else anymore to take care of him when he is sick. So I am toying with the idea to be a SAHM, or WAHM but I don't have the courage yet. Even my one-month unpaid leave was a secret I kept only with my hubby, I didn't let my elder son knew about it coz I was afraid he might tell others in my family. I am sure my mom and my sisters will freak out if they know that I plan to quit and be a full-time mom, or even work on part-time basis as a unit trust consultant. And I won't blame them, coz DH has th history of being very irresponsible, and they were the ones who rescued me with my elder son in those difficult moments.

I am in a very difficult position, and that's why I am here today, looking for your advice and support. I just want to make sure both my sons grow to be righteous, and healthy.